So, you’re finally ready to get ‘boo’d’ up and leave the single life behind, but the conventional ways of meeting new people— from going to new places, trying out blind dates and of course, social media—have become boring to you. You’re ready to get a bit more adventurous, so you’ve decided to join a bunch of dating apps like Bumble and Tinder.
Since you’re new to the game, we’ve made a list of the types of people you might meet:
Catfishes
You’re casually scrolling through Tinder looking for a potential bae. You come across a good looking person and you decide to connect with him/her. Next thing you know, you’ve stumbled on another account with a picture of the same person. Then another. And another. You don’t need to know that you’re dealing with a bunch of catfishes oh. It’s even worse when you actually meet up with the person and discover that they look nothing like their picture.
Scammers
Less than 24 hours into a conversation, they’ll send you their account details and ask you for cash for one fake reason for the other. It’s good to be generous but also aware of the several scammers out there using different platforms to extort strangers.
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Fake Poets
People like this probably read it in some book somewhere that the best way to someone’s heart is through words, so they go around sending verses and lines of ‘poetry’ that make zero sense. They’ll say things like ‘You’re the flower I need every hour to give me power so I don’t cower’. Abeg 😂
Intellectuals
5 minutes into the conversation and they’re asking you questions like ‘What are the best strategies to conquer global capitalism?’, ‘Can we deconstruct Nietzsche’s ideologies over a cup of tea? These are good questions but can we get to know each other properly first? 😂
The Pinocchios
They’ll tell you they had an elevator pitch with Otedola and Dangote but they didn’t invest in their business because they were too scared of how successful the idea was. They’ll tell you that they have two Bentleys and a Mercedes stuck at Tin Can Island. Don’t fall for their lies, dear.
The Stalkers
Two sentences into the conversation and they’ll start telling you everything about yourself, even though you don’t know them or have any connection to them.
They’ll tell you that they saw you coming out of your office, they’ll tell you that they saw you driving into your house (they’ll mention your address and your plate number), they’ll mention the names of your siblings and even tell you the colour of the shirt you’re currently wearing. This person is definitely a disciple of Joe from ‘You’. Block the person and take precautions oh.
The One-Word Texters
They only give one-word replies like ‘Hi’, ‘Hey’, ‘Okay’, ‘Lol’. When they’re in the mood, they’ll switch to phrases like ‘I’m fine’ and ‘Good afternoon’. It’s pretty hard to vibe with people like this.
The Ghosts
One minute, you’re having fun and lengthy conversations. Next thing you know, they’re not replying to your messages and you’re wondering what you did wrong. No closure whatsoever.
The Needy Ones
They’ll ask you for everything. They’ll ask you to send them airtime, review their CVs, settle a family dispute, clear their ASOS cart, help them win a giveaway, complete their project amongst other things. Haba.
What other types of people have you met on dating apps? Share your experiences with us!
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