Soldiers especially in Nigeria are the most unpredictable beings ever. People say they are nice to corpers, err, not always. If you step on their toes, it’s all over for you.
The worst regret I have had so far in life was to ask a soldier to wash my clothes. And no, I didn’t know she was a soldier, she wasn’t in her uniform. In fact, let me just gist you how it all began. All my life, I had always being pampered, so when it was time for NYSC, my Dad asked me not to worry that he would handle the final posting, but I should go have the Camp experience.
On my third day in Camp, I got really ill and my parents were called to come get me, so I never really got to be familiar with my fellow Corpers and the soldiers on camp. Huge Mistake! Anyways, I had to go to back to camp a few days to POP and it didn’t look as bad as I thought. I was a bit excited as I had heard a lot from a few friends that made it. After two days back in Camp, all the clothes I brought were dirty.
At this point, I knew some soldiers but not all of them. There was no way I was going to wash, it was definitely going to get stolen, so I asked and a fellow Corper directed me on where to have it washed but at a fee. I was in a hurry but excited too. I dashed there the next morning. Unknown to me, a soldier was out of uniform and was gisting with the laundry people; that was how I went to ask no other laundry person but the soldier to wash my clothes.
The conversation went something like this:
Me – Aunty Good afternoon, how much is it to wash one white?
Soldier – *looks around and laughs* Na me you dey follow talk?
Me – Yes now, please I am quite a hurry. How much for one white?
Soldier – *still laughing and this time others around joined her* It’s usually 20Naira but because I like your face, I won’t collect money, how many do you want to wash?
Me – Awww that’s so nice of you. Okay, I have four round necks and two shorts. Can you wash them now, like let me be looking at you cos my fabric is sensitive and expensive.
Soldier – No problem. Any other thing?
Me – No, that’s all. Thank you.
So, was I stupid? I mean, I had no idea who she was. I should had known something was not right when everyone there laughed. I guessed it was because of the manner in which I talk. That was how this soldier started washing the Whites. As she was about washing the last one, some of her colleagues came over to the laundry place and I saw them saluting her. I didn’t still understand. In my mind, the laundry woman was just cool like that with soldiers. Not until they gave her a military Cap that the Camp Commandant wanted to see them.
That’s when I understood the term “My own don finish.” She asked them to run along that she wanted to finish “Madam’s” clothes. Alas! I was Madam. A dead walking Madam self. Like a fool that I am, I started asking her not to worry that she had already tried, I actually said “You have tried” Guys, I think I must have had a medical or mental condition at this point. She said Haba, since I started, let me just finish” There and then, I started crying begging her not to wash my clothes. I started talking nonsense basically. I even carried one of the whites and started rubbing it on the floor saying “Aunty, don’t worry, it’s already dirty.” She said I should not worry, that I will also help her and her colleagues wash their clothes.
At this point, I knew I was finished. I was not going to wash one soldier’s khaki but also her colleagues, male and female. When I finished washing those khakis the next day, I could almost use my hand to drive a nail through a wall, they were hardened like a criminal. Since that day, I have developed a rare gift of spotting soldiers from 10 miles away, uniformed or not.
Leave a Reply