Everyone has one wild Lagos traffic experience they can never forget. EVERYONE. Lagos is a madhouse- pretty much a sophisticated ghetto, especially when it comes to traffic. It’s why everyone’s always tired and angry. It’s why people leave home in the early hours of the morning to get to work on time. It’s why people leave their homes by 6 am when they have a 2 pm flight. The truth is, you never know when the ‘god’ of traffic will strike.
So, if you’re new to Lagos, these are the things traffic will do to you:
It Will Turn You Into A Noisemaker
It’s almost impossible to stay calm or quiet during Lagos traffic, especially if you’re the one driving. You might act all posh and ‘boujee‘, but when a Danfo is about to enter your lane by force, or an Okada driver almost breaks your side mirror, your inner ‘agbero‘ will jump out. You can’t hide it. Lagos traffic brings out the ghetto in you.
You’ll Become A Food Hoarder
If you’re stuck in traffic for hours, you have to keep your mouth busy to while away time. On a bad day, you’ll probably have breakfast, lunch and dinner in traffic. Luckily, there are numerous hawkers on the street ready to attend to your cravings and food-related needs. You’ve got multiple options- Gala, soda, groundnuts, corn, biscuits, fruits, popcorn, peanuts, plantain chips, cashew nuts, puff puff, small chops, buns, you name it! Everything is sold in traffic, and before you know it, you’ve consumed foods of different names and sources. There’s just something about traffic that makes you hungry.
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It Will Turn You Into A Fast & Furious Driver
Fun fact: not everyone holding the steering wheel can drive. A lot of folks have no idea how and when to overtake, how to use a brake or even operate within the speed limit, so you need to know the kind of people you’re dealing with. While driving in Lagos traffic, you might find yourself battling with fellow motorists for space, swerving and reversing, all in a bid to avoid being hit. Your driving skills will be put to the test, and you’ll actually realize how good/bad you are at this driving thing.
It Will Make You A Prayer Warrior
You have to battle the principalities and powers of Lagos traffic and tell them to lose their grip on you. Lagos traffic will make you say all kinds of prayers. You’ll pray for the traffic to clear on time, pray that your brake doesn’t fail, pray that you don’t get hit, pray that your engine doesn’t get damaged, pray that your fuel lasts, pray that the driver doesn’t fall asleep or hit another motorist, you’ll probably even pray for your car to miraculously fly and soar over other vehicles so you can reach your destination on time. Chai.
It Will Test Your Tolerance
How long can you hold your pee/ poop? How long can you sit down for? How long can you hold your breath while trying to stay alive because of a fellow passenger’s body odour? How patient are you? All these questions will be answered in certain traffic situations. Lagos traffic tests and reveals your threshold for discomfort.
It Will Humble You
There’s no ‘forming’ in Lagos traffic. You’ll forget your age and status while stuck. You never know when you’ll need to come down from your vehicle to become a traffic warden, controlling vehicles because Lagosians don’t know how to act civil.
You Will Question Your Sanity
You: I’m okay.
Lagos Traffic: Are you sure? Think again.
After all the screaming, swerving, manoeuvring, jumping up and down, you’ll have to ask yourself whether you’re genuinely okay. Real talk: Lagos traffic could take a significant toll on your mental health, so it’s important to rest when you can and stay indoors to relax if you don’t need to go out.
What’s your most memorable Lagos traffic experience? Share with us!
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